Dear Readers,
Have you ever had one of those days (or maybe one of those lives) where nothing goes right? Have you ever wanted to rail against the divine, hold your fist up to the sky and say, “Isn’t this enough already?”
One of the most universal aspects of humanity is our preference for things we call, “good”, and our aversion to things we call “bad”. We pray for babies, but pray to never receive a diagnosis of cancer. We pray for a soulmate, but pray to never divorce. It seems to me that as we get older, the challenges that we are asked to face get steeper, harder- not always easier.
Loss is the natural way of life itself. As life continues year over year, we will accumulate many. I believe that each loss, especially the big ones, are moments of an invitation to open to grace. What makes one person age bitterly, becoming resentful- and another age beautifully, becoming wise- is the ability to pass through those invitations with grace.
Grace asks us to suspend our judgement of the present moment, to let go of the label “bad” and instead open to the possibility that we might not understand what is happening. We look at everything through the lens of the human lifetime, hundred year eras of a generation.
That amount of time is all we have to judge the consequences of the bad thing that seems to be happening. What seems like a terrible outcome might actually lead to a positive result, but on a timeline that stretches beyond my human frame of understanding.
This is the essence of what it means to be human; to have the humility to know our limitations and open to the grace of the mystery. For all you know, in the midst of this terrible moment there might be a tsunami of grace that you simply cannot quite yet see.
The practice of this newsletter, The Circadian Collective, is to gather stories of such magic. These are our human stories, our struggles to find the grace or meaning in the midst of disaster. The “answers” are our collective creative framing, pulled from vision and prayer. They are stories of the balance between the light and the dark where awakening dwells.
Sincerely,
Sylvia
Questions
Q
My dad died. A lifetime of heartache preceded his death, as he had disinherited and abandoned his children. He was willingly poisoned (in his soul) by an awful woman who controlled him and in his will, her voice was evident as the hatred she’d demonstrated through years came through the misspelling of my name, and the nasty tone of all correspondence. I have a lot of healing work under my belt and I’m moving through the emotions, but how to deal with the very personal realizations that evil exists…that enemies are very often fabrications of demented imaginations…that unprovoked hostility will constantly test you? How do I find the love in such situations?
A
The enemies that are very often fabrications of demented imaginations…” My dear, you have started to answer your own question. Often, in many families, there is a multigenerational chain of self hatred in women that is passed from one woman to another.
We can see the ways in which we, “mean girls”, plant the seeds of worthlessness in ourselves and each other. So first, before anything else, investigate yourself and compassionately examine in particular where you, too, may still that carry self hatred, or hatred of the feminine. When we know that our own imagination isn’t demented, we become effective agents of change. Start with yourself.
When we find any energy within us that is difficult, I find it effective to bear witness to it. Whether it be self hatred, or envy, or fear- I like to make space for it within me, as if I was making room on the couch for a new friend. Every feeling, every single thing is welcomed on the big cozy couch of my heart. Sometimes just making space for a feeling diminishes its power.
When you are feeling quiet and clear, I would suggest you to bring this woman into your awareness. Bring her into the “court of atonement”, which is an energetic concept. Invite her into this court, where judgement and correction is left to our ancestors who preside above it. Only beings that span beyond our human timelines have the right to judge.
While she is in this court of atonement, thank her for the lessons she has been teaching you. Name each lesson one by one, as if you were a witness in the stands of the court itself.
Second, release her as your enemy. She is free to continue to be her own enemy, but she is no longer yours. We misunderstand forgiveness; we think it means letting someone off the hook from the consequences of their actions. Forgiveness is what it feels like to get to another level of the human video game, a level above the person who is the enemy: We come to higher levels by doing our inner work.
From here we forgive. There is incredibly potent magic inside of forgiveness. It’s love magic, it heals our nervous system, releases trapped energy, and restores our humanity. “I forgive you and I release you.” Release her to the court of atonement for spirit to handle. To end this meditation, say your name, correctly spelled, and her name, a prayer in whatever natural way comes to you- a prayer of freedom and liberation from this dynamic of suffering that no longer serves.
Evil exists. Yet so much evil can be vanquished just within our own minds. It is the only kingdom we fully control.
