Dear Readers,
This week, we’re exploring a tough but transformative topic: the lessons narcissists can teach us. While they often bring frustration and pain, they also reveal opportunities for growth—especially in areas like boundaries, self-worth, and honoring our truth.
In today’s letter, I’ll share a personal story about navigating a relationship with a narcissist and the healing that came from it. Let’s uncover the blessings in disguise.
In everything we trust,
Sylvia
Questions
Q
If we believe all things can be our teachers, what is the lesson a clinical narcissist brings?
A
What a perfect question. Narcissism is on the rise as our culture shifts its values more towards individualism and social media adds fuel to that fire. The fragility of our collective psyche is really palpable.
My favorite life hack is not to complain about people, even narcissists, but to ask what they can teach me. Let’s dive in.
Narcissists push boundaries to get what they want. When you let someone push your boundaries, why? Notice in your body where you feel the sensations of that decision. Does it remind you of someone or something from your past? Get curious about it. It is so important to begin to recognize what it feels like when you agree to give your power to someone who does not have your best interests at heart. I have done it myself several times.
In fact, I once entered into a business transaction with a narcissist. In the beginning he was a great investor. He promised to teach me how to be a better business woman, showing off his investment prowess in conversation after conversation. I was impressed. At the time I felt relatively inexperienced and craved mentorship. I wanted to succeed. While there is nothing wrong with wanting mentorship and success, I felt insecure enough that I ignored other aspects of his character. Aspects that might have indicated that he would not be a good mentor. For as much as he promised to teach me to be a great investor, for as appealing as that promise was- he also showed every single symptom of narcissism and I ignored the signals. He asked for validation constantly. He always seemed to have drama and conflict in his life. He bragged. He liked to be in control.
I ignored those signals at my peril. Fast forward. Like any narcissist, this man was no different. I was special, and worthy of mentorship one day—and the target of his anger the next. However, I could not “get away” from him because we had a business deal that had not yet exited and there was no way for me to accelerate the process. I was then stuck in a situation where I had to be subject to the darkest side of the narcissist for a great while longer than was good for my soul. It was wrenching.
When we are that entangled with a narcissist surely there is a deep lesson for us to all learn. These are keynote lessons on self love and self worth in the making. I believe that it is hard to spot one until you have met one, so maybe we are all subject to this lesson at some point.
A narcissist can crush you, but the crushing is not forever. The healing is in the self honoring and self love that was missing. The lesson is to track every place where you were willing to give your power, your boundaries, your moral compass, your truth- and repair it with the restoration of your self respect. This kind of spiritual work is an energetic shift in your field of attraction. Once you weave in this self love into your entire soul, you can weave forgiveness back in the direction of the narcissist but do it with a nice healthy boundary between you. Send them some forgiveness and also send them a goodbye.
Once you have worked through the lesson of a narcissist, you will never attract one again. I wish upon you that blessing.
